Where is Life Leading Me?

Hey there!

Well I'm moving through my junior year of school, it's going swell.
But you want to hear something crazy? REALLY crazy?!
I'll give you some background first.
This week in lifegroup we were asked the question, "What is your life dream?"
First thing I said (out of habit) was..."Be a nurse, help people, do something good by using my nurse skills." - To be honest, it wasn't my 'dream', it was just my plans. As soon as I said it, I knew that I wasn't truly passionate about it. I gave it a bit more thought, until I blurted out without thinking... "I Would Love To Be a Wedding Photographer!" Everyone stopped and stared. I mumbled quickly that it was just a dream, nothing would ever come of it... and looked down awkwardly. But ever since I said that, thought that, schemed that...I've constantly been dreaming about it! What if?! What if I did something crazy ...?! What if I was a part-time nurse, part-time photographer? I need more skills, I'm obviously an amateur. But with practice and time and learning, I think I could do it!
And then today.
Today as I surfed the web for daily randomness, I came across this question.

What would you be willing to attempt for God if you knew you could not fail? 

GOSH. That struck me deep in the heart. It was like God put that question right there for me to find. If I couldn't fail at photography and starting a small business, well of course I would do it! But is it something I can do for God? I believe so. If I can bring beauty to this world, in just a small way, I want to do that. If I can make people around me happy, I want to do that. If I can make a difference in someone's life by getting to know them, I want to do that! 

I WANT TO DO THIS. 

Now I just have to find a way to make it happen. That's the fun part. :)

Exciting Times These Are!

Hello there peeps!

No worries I haven't fallen off the face of the earth just yet. . . ;)
I've just been REALLY busy!
Want to hear some *BIG* news?!?!?!

I'M ENGAGED!!!

it's true!! John popped the question on July 20, 2012 and I said 'Yes!' (obviously.)
and now he is coming back to MI ...tomorrow?!?!
what?!
yes. you heard that right.
my Fiance' is coming back to me this week!!! :) I never thought this would happen! Not even in my dreams!
SO it's a really exciting time.

Now for the other news I had to share. It's almost as exciting.
seriously, if my engagement was #1 highlight of this summer, then this next thing is #2.

TWO days ago my LIFE DREAM came true. I rocked out to the beautiful, amazing, powerful, perfect voice of my favorite singer/person i absolutely adore...AMY LEE. Lead singer of Evanescence.
No. Joke.

I was able to get to the concert in Detroit with a few of my hospital co-workers and had the most awesome night i've had in MONTHS.
She is just as amazing as she is on her recorded songs, not to mention her style is to die for.
Okay maybe at this point I sound like an obsessed fan girl. . . but you know what. I don't even care.
Her music has brought me through some of the roughest points in my life, and I never tire of listening to it. I am just so thankful that I was able to actually *see* her with my own eyes, listen to her with my own ears, and feel her powerful voice move me. I will never, ever forget it.
It was a memory I will forever treasure. <3


(pics to come!)

It's all about Jesus!

I am totally in love with this church.
I love their mission, their enthusiasm, their love of Jesus!
:)
I highly suggest listening to some of the awesome sermons...Here is the first part of the series they are just starting. It is fabulous!
http://marshill.com/media/jesus-loves-his-church/jlhc-1-jesus-gives-life#downloads

It just makes me all excited about JESUS!!!

It's been awhile!

Hi there people, if anyone even reads this anymore that is. I'm probably just talking to the vast infinity of the internets, but hey, i need something to do during this surprisingly quiet evening shift at the hospital.

Here's a quick recap of my life:

Exactly one month ago, I was in Seattle!
It was an even better trip than I thought it would be! We all had an epic time together; climbing mountains, exploring downtown, traveling on ferries, seeing Microsoft, etc, etc. The scenery was absolutely breathtaking and I was seriously blown away by the beauty of nature and greenery and just everything. I could totally see myself out there! Even without a certain special guy of mine who just happens to live there. :)
Check out some pics!

 

Ever since that trip, it's been work, work, work. I've been doing about 30-40 hours a week at the hospital and I am learning SO FREAKING much. It's amazing. and awful. (did i mention i'm a certified a**-wiper now?!) yay.
haha well, yeah, the job has it's pros and cons, but i'm so thankful to be here and to be experiencing stuff that is going to give me such an edge next year in school. I've met a lot of fun people too, so at least it's never boring!

I hope this summer is as good as last years though. Last year was full of fun times, LT, socializing, and spending time with Jesus. Except I didn't get to see John for 3 months, which killed me.
This summer I get to see John twice! Once NEXT weekend! and another time in mid-July! (we are going to FL again because my family will be down there!) :) so that will break up the monotony. I'm trying to exercise more, and read some fun books too! When i can fit that in, that is. I'm also trying to rekindle some high school friendships, which I have found to my surprise, have actually stayed strong despite our lack of communication. So that's cool!

I guess I'm just a little sad and happy and confused and emotional. I want to be happy with my life and take each day as it comes. I want to find joy in the little things and make a difference in other's lives, even if I am not noticed or praised. I want to shine for Jesus in my workplace and maybe, just maybe, share my testimony. I don't want to look for worldly recognition, but find contentment in all circumstances. I want to keep my eyes on JESUS and look to Him for my constant source of acceptance, love and beauty. I just don't want to get lost in myself again.

Thanks for listening. :) It means more than you know.

~ an ending of another school year ~

well i made it.
tomorrow is the very last day of sophomore year.
and i am more than overjoyed that it is over.
now, i only have to get through two more years of this.
that's not terrible :) i think i can do it.
there's a lot to look forward to in that time.
so that will help.

also, one week from tomorrow morning, i will be in Seattle.
With John.
SO EXCITED.
maybe i'll blog while i'm there.
be all "hipster" like that. ^^
haha alright, signing off.

peace.

Life Update.

I think it's high time for another update on this crazy life of mine. 


Going back a few months, in January I started the second semester of my sophomore year at UofM Nursing. It was a long 2 months til spring break full of school work and the like. Then the last week of February through my birthday, John and I went to Florida for my spring break! It was a magical, relaxing, beautiful trip. We stayed with my grandparents down in Sarasota and spent a lot of time at the beach, going out on the town, and hanging with the g-rents. Best of all, John took me to DISNEY for an entire day!! We went to 2 parks and it was fabulous! :) We ended the trip with a romantic dinner on the beach watching the sunset, praying to God and thanking Him for this one of a kind relationship. 


Then it was back to school for me and work for John. Even though we were apart only 4 weeks, it felt like an eternity. It was definitely the darkest month of the school year for me. For one, I started on my new job as a nurse tech and it's been a very great learning experience, but also extremely stressful. It's a 'real' job, and I don't have the benefits I get as a student. For example, there are no excuses I can fall back on if I mess something up. The floor I am working on is a mix of low-care patients and high-risk patients who are very close to death, if not dying. We have already had multiple situations where the crash cart was brought out. And believe me, I'm not "overwhelmed" by this...I can definitely handle it; however, I think it's just hard to see such sadness and hopelessness day after day. It wears on the soul. I have thought about the afterlife so much this past month and it really puts a perspective on things. 


I feel like I've grown a lot in these past couple of months, and become much more aware of the dark, brokenness of the world around me. There have been many nights I cry myself to sleep because of the overwhelming darkness and evil and injustice in the world and the lives of those around me. It hurts me in the depths of my heart to see others hurting. And it's even worse when there is nothing you can do about it. I am surrounded with persons who have lived long long lives and I can see the pain and exhaustion on their faces. It's scary and I want it all to go away. I long for Jesus to take away the worries, fears, and wrinkles and restore us to true life. Because I see now that this "life" is a mere shell, an empty wasteland full of corruption and mourning. We find ourselves so wrapped up in the day to day troubles, that we miss the bigger picture. There is so much more to this life than what we see and the situations we go through. It is only now that I am able to see just a tiny sliver of the hope and life that is waiting for us, once we go home. 


Anyways, this past weekend was a wonderful break from all these deep, troubling thoughts that swirl around my mind. John came to visit for Easter weekend. We filled it with a ton of good times, like going to see Hunger Games, going to New Life twice, sleeping, hanging with John's family, hanging with my family, walking around AA, and spending some beautiful time together cuddling and holding hands and being cutesy. 
Oh how I love him. <3 Forever. 


Now I just have to get through these next 2.5 weeks of school. Then I will be DONE with my second year and be half-way through school! My summer is going to be very chill; I'm living in AA and working hopefully full-time. It will be lovely. 


Best of all, in 22 days me, Laura, Brian, and Sally are all travelling to SEATTLE!!! I seriously cannot wait. 
:) 

woah. hold up there life! you're running away from me!

0_0

My life has suddenly turned into a wild roller-coaster ride, without me even being able to prepare myself.
There was no "deep breath before the plunge." No time to think about it or freak out or anything. Now I'm caught up in this new life of mine and I'm rushing to buckle myself in!
Basically what happened was something like this:
Week 3 of February: offered a job at UofM Hospital!
February 25-March 4: SPRING BREAK in Sarasota, FL with my love! <3 [a magical week!]
March 5: Classes started with a bang! exams, papers, exams, etc. . .
March 8: Started job at UofM
Today, March 15: Completely bewildered with all I have to accomplish in the next 4-5 weeks..

Not only do I have to figure out schedules and work and class, but I'm trying to have some fun, plus John is coming Easter weekend, AND I need to spend *some* time with the family!

BAHHHH. [mini-freak-out]

Okay. It's Okay. I can do this!!!

That will be my mantra. 

On a good note! I'm going to Seattle with Laura, Sally, and Brian the first week of May to visit John!!! I can't wait!! : )

pic of john and i in Fl! teehee!

so weary.

These words, they fly around my mind,
like bullets.
I dodge their sharp lines of attack
But miss some -
the pain fills my brain
I can't think to save my life
My shoulders are burdened beneath the strife
Of weariness.
Drowning out these sorrows
with the loud drone of rock and roll
Numbing my brain
easing the pain
that would overcome me, if i sat and thought about it all.
I give a cheer for all the broken
Yearning to be alone -
But i'm a prisoner in this white walled room called
insanity.
oh my dear i thought you'd left me.
but you were here all along
waiting for just the right moment to crawl
into my mind and take control.

(don't mind my random horrible poetry.sometimes you just gotta get emotions out of your body - and for me that is through words - p.s. i really can write a lot better than this...)

The Impossible Project.

 I love photography. I also love the look of old and vintage things. Blend these two together and what do you get? Good old-fashioned Polaroid pictures. :) They are just so beautiful, and they are totally legit, not just 'pretend' Polaroid pictures, like that hip instagram thing everyone seems to be talking about these days. 

On a side note, I leave for Florida in exactly 14 days. Two weeks. I can barely wait to see John, well and be in the warm weather, and see my grandparents. :) Now I just have to make it through until then. 

Here we go... 

                            

http://www.the-impossible-project.com/

You are Loved.

Hello friend. 
I hope life is treating you well. 
I am writing tonight about a special cause I just learned about this week that has absolutely taken over my mind. The ministry is called "Treasures" and it's based out of LA. This is their mission: 

"Treasures is a unique, faith-based outreach and support group for women in the sex industry.

Our mission is to empower women in the discovery of their value and purpose by providing mentorship, spiritual encouragement and resources." 

This group helps women who are caught up in different ways, whether it be the porn industry, sex trafficking, prostitution, stripping, exotic dancing, escorting, or those who have been molested or are in dysfunctional, abusive relationships. Statistics are that "89% of women in the sex industry said they wanted to escape, but had no other means for survival." This means that these girls feel that they have no way to leave their lives. They are too poor, broken, and scared to live life on their own. Not only this, but most enter into this around the ages of 12-14 after being sexually abused. "73% of them have been raped 5 or more times." Many of them have high rates of substance abuse making it even more difficult to leave the industry. 

Now add to all of this depression, anxiety, fear, loneliness, and deep shame. 

Doesn't this just break your heart in half? 

I hate it when people make rash judgments, like "those girls chose to be sluts and like what they do." While this may be true for some, MOST of these girls are NOT happy with themselves. But they are imprisoned both physically and mentally and need a way out. 

There is only one who can be their escape. Jesus. 

And that is what this ministry is all about. Most of women heading it up were once in the sex industry as well, and what they do is make gift bags and go to clubs and conventions, handing out these bags to the girls, telling them there is hope and love and freedom. 

It is fantastic!!! and it gives me such joy to know that there are people out there fighting for these girls. One day I'm hoping and praying that I can help out with something like this. I don't know how or when, but I want to *do* something. But until then, I ...We... can keep praying for these girls to be delivered from their bondage. 

Love. 


Here is the website: www.iamatreasure.com

lost in love.

Today my sweetie, John, sent me ROSES!

Why? you may ask.

Just because he loves me. <3

Yeah, I'm pretty much the happiest girl (and that is saying something.) I am so in love - and I love it - and I'm not afraid to say it! :) 

This just makes me think of my first Love, Jesus. He gave me John, and so many other beautiful gifts - snowflakes, sunrises, grace, Love Itself. 

Ah, there is just so much love in my heart, it's overflowing, and I hope it finds its way to you.