I LOVE having deep conversations. LOVE them. So much. I thrive on it.
Here's the only problem…
Have you ever learned something about a person who you care about, and as much as you don't want it to change your view of them, it still sort of does? it's like a feeling of being let down just a little bit (maybe because you feel helpless to do anything about it..)
Need an example?
I'll give you one that I am very passionate about. I had a discussion about it this very evening.
Porn.
Yeah THAT elephant in the room. It's one of those "SO AWKWARD" to talk about issues, but it's the issue that so many people struggle with. Both guys and girls.
I feel like this word has come up at multiple times during my life.
-First was in highschool; we had numerous chapels devoted to explaining the dangers of porn and freaking students out.
-Next was in church. Most of the sermons I remember in my high school days included the word 'porn' at least once. It always seemed to be on people's minds, yet NO one condemned it in a way that I related to. It was nothing that had anything to do with me.
-Every morning the radio station I listened to had a talk show; (a very inappropriate one lol) where they always talked about porn in a way that seemed 'cool, normal, and fun.' This just confused me and really grossed me out.
-Then I started dating at 16. We dated for 7 entire months. I was happy and naïve, but by the end had started to feel suspicious that all was not right, and God led me to end the relationship. A few weeks later the guy sends me this note, explaining his addiction to … that’s right… porn. That was tough day. Even though I had ended the relationship, it hurt A LOT to know that this person I had trusted with myself, my thoughts, my faults and failures, had failed to remain faithful to ME. He had broken my trust, and I was angry, disappointed, and didn't understand. Questions roiled through my mind.
Why would a Godly, young man willingly give his heart and mind to the devil? Because that's what porn is. It's a sickeningly easy temptation to get trapped in, until before you know it you are sucked away into a "false" life. A life that isn't even REAL. Not only that, but why would I want someone to even think about saying they care for me, if all they are doing is LYING to my face. They are deceiving the ones they love, turning away from God's commandments, and being lured down a "fun" path that ends with pain.
SOOOO many countless times I have heard the saying that guys are "always" thinking about sex. This is not always a bad thing - it is how their minds work (physiologically). But I feel like these days it is being used as an excuse.
"oh you’re a guy, you think about sex, you look at porn, tsk-tsk, shame on you, but not really."
NO!!! THIS IS NOT AN ACCEPTABLE EXCUSE WHATSOEVER. GUYS HAVE NO RIGHT TO JUSTIFY THEIR INNER "DESIRES". NO QUESTIONS ASKED.
This is NOT what God wants for men to think about all the time. And it's definitely Not what girls (like me) want guys thinking about all the time.
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. " Phil. 4:8
This verse is what I want a guy to follow; I want to know he is pure. And thinks about only pure things. No matter how hard it is for him. Even to know that he is trying to do this gives me some hope.
Because:
I want to know that a guy loves me and only me. Not some fake photoshopped chick on a sketchy website.
I want to know that if a guy was indeed cheating on me, it was with a real person; someone I could see, touch, talk to, go to battle with. Not a imaginative picture that has some awful, disgusting sexually stimulating effect on the mind.
I want to know that a guy is NOT lying to me, because to me, lying is betrayal; and betrayal only brings detriment.
I do not want to compete for a guy's attention with a computer. Because I will NEVER win.
I want to know that a guy is not filled with carnal thoughts, because not only does that turn me off completely, but its degrading to me as a women, to know that I (and other girls) are being USED unknowingly.
I know from experience how fragile a girl's self worth and self esteem really are, and its crushing to know that you aren't GOOD ENOUGH for a guy. That you just don’t measure up to the "perfect" woman.
Also, just musing here, but how is porn really so different than prostitution? ("omg, so terrible!) right?
But think about it.
In prostitution, women are used for their bodies - in porn, women are indeed used (not physically) by the mind in a degrading way.
In prostitution, women are slaves to the men who abuse them - on the flip side, with porn, users are 'slaves' to the videos and pictures, unable to break free of their tantalizing 'charm.'
Both prostitution and porn have to do with sexual idolatry, lust, and evil.
Porn can lead to more than just lusting over pictures. . . i.e. good 'ol Ted Bundy.
God tells us to keep our bodies clean and pure in His sight, and porn is an outright act of disobedience to God's will. It's difficult to trust someone who you know is actively disobeying without feeling guilt or shame.
It's issues like this that make people squirm and restless in their seats. But it is the words they need to hear and listen to. Porn is an issue that grates me to the core, and I have seen too many people's lives devastated by this temptation of the evil one. Thankfully we have a Father who loves us unconditionally and will give us the strength to fight against it. Prayer and accountability are the keys in staying faithful, trustworthy, and making lasting relationships.
I LOVE YOU. <3
