~ an ending of another school year ~

well i made it.
tomorrow is the very last day of sophomore year.
and i am more than overjoyed that it is over.
now, i only have to get through two more years of this.
that's not terrible :) i think i can do it.
there's a lot to look forward to in that time.
so that will help.

also, one week from tomorrow morning, i will be in Seattle.
With John.
SO EXCITED.
maybe i'll blog while i'm there.
be all "hipster" like that. ^^
haha alright, signing off.

peace.

Life Update.

I think it's high time for another update on this crazy life of mine. 


Going back a few months, in January I started the second semester of my sophomore year at UofM Nursing. It was a long 2 months til spring break full of school work and the like. Then the last week of February through my birthday, John and I went to Florida for my spring break! It was a magical, relaxing, beautiful trip. We stayed with my grandparents down in Sarasota and spent a lot of time at the beach, going out on the town, and hanging with the g-rents. Best of all, John took me to DISNEY for an entire day!! We went to 2 parks and it was fabulous! :) We ended the trip with a romantic dinner on the beach watching the sunset, praying to God and thanking Him for this one of a kind relationship. 


Then it was back to school for me and work for John. Even though we were apart only 4 weeks, it felt like an eternity. It was definitely the darkest month of the school year for me. For one, I started on my new job as a nurse tech and it's been a very great learning experience, but also extremely stressful. It's a 'real' job, and I don't have the benefits I get as a student. For example, there are no excuses I can fall back on if I mess something up. The floor I am working on is a mix of low-care patients and high-risk patients who are very close to death, if not dying. We have already had multiple situations where the crash cart was brought out. And believe me, I'm not "overwhelmed" by this...I can definitely handle it; however, I think it's just hard to see such sadness and hopelessness day after day. It wears on the soul. I have thought about the afterlife so much this past month and it really puts a perspective on things. 


I feel like I've grown a lot in these past couple of months, and become much more aware of the dark, brokenness of the world around me. There have been many nights I cry myself to sleep because of the overwhelming darkness and evil and injustice in the world and the lives of those around me. It hurts me in the depths of my heart to see others hurting. And it's even worse when there is nothing you can do about it. I am surrounded with persons who have lived long long lives and I can see the pain and exhaustion on their faces. It's scary and I want it all to go away. I long for Jesus to take away the worries, fears, and wrinkles and restore us to true life. Because I see now that this "life" is a mere shell, an empty wasteland full of corruption and mourning. We find ourselves so wrapped up in the day to day troubles, that we miss the bigger picture. There is so much more to this life than what we see and the situations we go through. It is only now that I am able to see just a tiny sliver of the hope and life that is waiting for us, once we go home. 


Anyways, this past weekend was a wonderful break from all these deep, troubling thoughts that swirl around my mind. John came to visit for Easter weekend. We filled it with a ton of good times, like going to see Hunger Games, going to New Life twice, sleeping, hanging with John's family, hanging with my family, walking around AA, and spending some beautiful time together cuddling and holding hands and being cutesy. 
Oh how I love him. <3 Forever. 


Now I just have to get through these next 2.5 weeks of school. Then I will be DONE with my second year and be half-way through school! My summer is going to be very chill; I'm living in AA and working hopefully full-time. It will be lovely. 


Best of all, in 22 days me, Laura, Brian, and Sally are all travelling to SEATTLE!!! I seriously cannot wait. 
:) 

woah. hold up there life! you're running away from me!

0_0

My life has suddenly turned into a wild roller-coaster ride, without me even being able to prepare myself.
There was no "deep breath before the plunge." No time to think about it or freak out or anything. Now I'm caught up in this new life of mine and I'm rushing to buckle myself in!
Basically what happened was something like this:
Week 3 of February: offered a job at UofM Hospital!
February 25-March 4: SPRING BREAK in Sarasota, FL with my love! <3 [a magical week!]
March 5: Classes started with a bang! exams, papers, exams, etc. . .
March 8: Started job at UofM
Today, March 15: Completely bewildered with all I have to accomplish in the next 4-5 weeks..

Not only do I have to figure out schedules and work and class, but I'm trying to have some fun, plus John is coming Easter weekend, AND I need to spend *some* time with the family!

BAHHHH. [mini-freak-out]

Okay. It's Okay. I can do this!!!

That will be my mantra. 

On a good note! I'm going to Seattle with Laura, Sally, and Brian the first week of May to visit John!!! I can't wait!! : )

pic of john and i in Fl! teehee!

so weary.

These words, they fly around my mind,
like bullets.
I dodge their sharp lines of attack
But miss some -
the pain fills my brain
I can't think to save my life
My shoulders are burdened beneath the strife
Of weariness.
Drowning out these sorrows
with the loud drone of rock and roll
Numbing my brain
easing the pain
that would overcome me, if i sat and thought about it all.
I give a cheer for all the broken
Yearning to be alone -
But i'm a prisoner in this white walled room called
insanity.
oh my dear i thought you'd left me.
but you were here all along
waiting for just the right moment to crawl
into my mind and take control.

(don't mind my random horrible poetry.sometimes you just gotta get emotions out of your body - and for me that is through words - p.s. i really can write a lot better than this...)

The Impossible Project.

 I love photography. I also love the look of old and vintage things. Blend these two together and what do you get? Good old-fashioned Polaroid pictures. :) They are just so beautiful, and they are totally legit, not just 'pretend' Polaroid pictures, like that hip instagram thing everyone seems to be talking about these days. 

On a side note, I leave for Florida in exactly 14 days. Two weeks. I can barely wait to see John, well and be in the warm weather, and see my grandparents. :) Now I just have to make it through until then. 

Here we go... 

                            

http://www.the-impossible-project.com/

You are Loved.

Hello friend. 
I hope life is treating you well. 
I am writing tonight about a special cause I just learned about this week that has absolutely taken over my mind. The ministry is called "Treasures" and it's based out of LA. This is their mission: 

"Treasures is a unique, faith-based outreach and support group for women in the sex industry.

Our mission is to empower women in the discovery of their value and purpose by providing mentorship, spiritual encouragement and resources." 

This group helps women who are caught up in different ways, whether it be the porn industry, sex trafficking, prostitution, stripping, exotic dancing, escorting, or those who have been molested or are in dysfunctional, abusive relationships. Statistics are that "89% of women in the sex industry said they wanted to escape, but had no other means for survival." This means that these girls feel that they have no way to leave their lives. They are too poor, broken, and scared to live life on their own. Not only this, but most enter into this around the ages of 12-14 after being sexually abused. "73% of them have been raped 5 or more times." Many of them have high rates of substance abuse making it even more difficult to leave the industry. 

Now add to all of this depression, anxiety, fear, loneliness, and deep shame. 

Doesn't this just break your heart in half? 

I hate it when people make rash judgments, like "those girls chose to be sluts and like what they do." While this may be true for some, MOST of these girls are NOT happy with themselves. But they are imprisoned both physically and mentally and need a way out. 

There is only one who can be their escape. Jesus. 

And that is what this ministry is all about. Most of women heading it up were once in the sex industry as well, and what they do is make gift bags and go to clubs and conventions, handing out these bags to the girls, telling them there is hope and love and freedom. 

It is fantastic!!! and it gives me such joy to know that there are people out there fighting for these girls. One day I'm hoping and praying that I can help out with something like this. I don't know how or when, but I want to *do* something. But until then, I ...We... can keep praying for these girls to be delivered from their bondage. 

Love. 


Here is the website: www.iamatreasure.com

lost in love.

Today my sweetie, John, sent me ROSES!

Why? you may ask.

Just because he loves me. <3

Yeah, I'm pretty much the happiest girl (and that is saying something.) I am so in love - and I love it - and I'm not afraid to say it! :) 

This just makes me think of my first Love, Jesus. He gave me John, and so many other beautiful gifts - snowflakes, sunrises, grace, Love Itself. 

Ah, there is just so much love in my heart, it's overflowing, and I hope it finds its way to you.