Chain of Reactions::

Nights like these are great, and also terrible. They remind me of what I have and how wonderful, unbelievable, and beautiful life can be. It also shows me all I have lost and what I long most for. What I would do to have this back! (see 1st and 2nd pics below.) You don't know how love can really change your life, until the source of that love disappears. There are reminders of that love, which at times are the most important thing and at other times can be the worst possible moments. Like receiving a surprise love note and how your heart races as you devour the words on the page. Nothing can interrupt you from that one moment - all your attention is (for once) fully concentrated. But there are hard times too, like when you put all your hope into one interaction (even though it is an old routine), and because of moodiness, time restraints, or all the other many possibilities, your expectations are not met and you feel rejected and alone to deal with these seemingly selfish feelings. Things change brightly colored euphoric happiness to a gloomy, forlorn state of black and white. It is a downward spiral into the abyss of negative thinking, feeling like a burden, left alone with no one to be with because no one really knows or cares about you like that one special person does.  Frustrated tears burn your eyes, and you blink them away furiously. How on earth could you think of crying about such a selfish want? It is pathetic and you are too. Pining away for your far-away love, when you should be sleeping, studying, etc. You shake your head, but can't keep the thoughts from filling your mind. You realize how pathetic you are, and it hurts. How you hate that you selfishly ask things of your love - when you know they are just as busy as you. How Hypocritical. You wish you could stuff those words back into your babbling mouth. All you want is to feel remembered. Just a simple thing. And you do feel that way most of the time! But the cycle of life is dull and boring and what you want is something to spice up your life. Something New and Different. A circumstance where you don't feel like an outsider, like you're missing out. Something you can share together *at the same time.* A walk outside in the crisp fall breeze, a tender hug, a long car ride to a fun or even boring destination. The simple things in life. You don't know how much you'll miss them until you do. 

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